Infidelity / Cheating
“It broke me. My heart shattered into a million pieces. I wanted to know why but all I could come up with was pain. I had no idea how to move on…” - Broken Hearted, 28, NYC
When I found out…
The first thing I felt was excruciating pain like someone ripped my heart of out my chest. My emotions were overwhelming and confusing. Anger set in and quickly turned into sadness. I even told myself it didn’t really happen. I tried to stop but the tears kept flowing. I felt out of control.
What it’s doing to me…
The pain is still here but it’s a different kind of hurt. Sometimes I wonder why or how can anyone do such a thing and sometimes I wonder if it was me. I constantly put myself down and dislike many parts of myself. I hate that I can’t love myself. Then there’s the fear that it will happen again or doubt anyone that comes my way. So I shut myself in ad rationalize it as “protecting myself.” BUT I want to love again! I want my life back! I want to move on!
I cheated and…
…I feel terrible!
I realize I made a mistake but it’s too late. I was so unhappy for a while and in a moment of weakness, I leaned into the little joy I felt at the moment.
I didn’t know how to say I was unhappy I was fearing it would destroy my partner. We tried to work on our relationship but it just was not working. I love my partner and I fear I have ruined my relationship.
I feel like a terrible person. The guilt and shame are eating at me. Then there’s this intense sadness that would take over whenever I think of our relationship. I feel out of control!
…I can’t stop!
I know what I am doing is hurting my partner but I can’t seem to stop. I feel like my mind and my heart are at war with each other.
I often feel guilty afterward and it makes me anxious that I will get caught. But then I also find that idea thrilling. I want to stop because I love my partner and I cherish what we have.
All relationships have their issues but I am not unhappy with my partner. However, there’s this urge and impulse to “see where it goes,” especially when someone shows me they like me.